how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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