Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
