Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
