So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
