well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
