ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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