all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
