wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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