I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
