you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
