And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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