I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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