Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
