last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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