i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
