Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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