The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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