Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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