This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
