I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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