nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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