Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
