i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
