...so i touched it.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
