hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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