Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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