My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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