Midget sex pt 2 tonight
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
