sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
