i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
