He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
