If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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