Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
