Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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