Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Randomize
