Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
