can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
