I have demons in me.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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