I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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