And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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