I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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