I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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