Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
