A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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