i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
