if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just want nice things and good sex
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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