I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
