Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
