Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
