You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
