Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize