Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
