So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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