I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
