question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
