I'm lost and stupid without you.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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