so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
