I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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