I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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