i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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