saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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