I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
