I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
