Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
