You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
