: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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