so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
