Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
