Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's rum buckets o'clock
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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