cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
