at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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