I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
