I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
