I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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