areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
