I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
