I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
