You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize